1. The Blamer: This is the man or woman who is married, or a long-term relationship and is no longer happy. Instead of ending it and moving on, they blame their spouse for the relationship not being what s/he wants and they cheat, as often as they can. The fucked up thing about this specific species is the fact that they have no shame in cheating, they wear their wedding ring to the bar and don't hide the fact that they are there to get some ass. Yes they have a spouse at home with their three kids, but it's OK, because if wifey wasn't so 'insert objectifying adjective here' then they wouldn't be driven to groping others at sleazy dive bars.
2. The Chaser: This is that cocky fucker who has a beautiful, smart, and kind person at home waiting for them, but they are always looking for something better. For whatever reason this person never appreciates what they have, but somehow they are in a constant state of commitment. Never single, but also never satisfied. If their spouse is skinny, they want someone with more curves. If their boyfriend is short, they want someone tall. If they have a successful companion, they want someone that will spend more time at home. Regardless of the situation, they are never content and constantly seeking better.
3. The Webmaster: This is the person that hides in plain sight and who may never physically cheat on their significant other, but they text, email, Facebook, Snapchat, and use whatever other web based tool to be "unfaithful". The physical act isn't the objective for these individuals, it is the feeling of being desired. They would talk to just about anyone who will feed their ego. Again, these slimy little fuckers feel no remorse, because technically they didn't cheat. Generally the other shoe will drop, and that text will lead to a trashy hook-up in a seedy motel just off the freeway.
4. The Side-Piece: This person isn't the one doing the cheating, but they only lust after those in committed relationships. They love playing the role of the destroyer, thriving on the drama of messing up others relationships. In some instances they even wait until a relationship has been made public and then seek to unravel it by spewing lies about how they all of the sudden are in love with that person and how they would treat them so much better, blah blah blah. They are the parasites of the relationship world and only seek to ruin others commitments. Just as soon as they do, they are no where in fucking sight.
5. The Lost Soul: This individual is genuinely in love with their partner but the passion has fizzled and they are lonely. They probably have never cheated before, but the alcohol they consumed blurred their judgement and it just happened. They are the ones who are guilt ridden after the indiscretion and eventually break down and confess. They are in agony about it and take full responsibility, but they still couldn't keep it in their fucking pants.
So, what is the point of this rant you ask? Well, there isn't really one except for me to express my general concern about relationships. It is hard enough to find someone that you actually like, then there is all this other bullshit you worry about after moving past the dating phase and into monogamy. So here is what I would like to see: If you are unhappy and considering cheating, just get the fuck out of the relationship and be single, or find someone who is cool with an open relationship. There, I just reduced that 60% to about 3%.
<3
Forever-a-Sceptic
