Thursday, January 15, 2015

Random Wine Induced Thoughts

A little while back I decided to have a glass of wine. That one glass turned into 6 or 8 and before I knew it I was coming up with literary gold. Now that I have sobered up and re-read it, it's not gold, but it is comical. So here is my thought sequence after a night of drinking alone. Enjoy…
  1. Everyone, and I mean everyone on reality television is so unbearably fake. Does anyone else see the irony there?
  2. The realization that I don't have any friends only dawns on me while drinking alone. Maybe it would be best not to drink alone #gulp gulp
  3.  Fuck, I think I left my car unlocked.
  4. I just don't see how marriage is that big of a deal. My life would't really change. For starters, my name is way cooler than yours, so I'll keep that. Not to mention it sounds like way to much work to change it. My job will continue to suck, my living situation will remain the same, and the person I live with would probably stay the same (unless some dramatic shit goes down and I up and marry some stranger). I truly have no opinion on the matter. Please stop trying to make me have one. However, I do want to wear a pretty dress.   
  5. I think cooking shows are the coolest. Does that make me super lame, or just kinda lame?
  6. While on the subject of food, often, not even half way through dinner, I am already thinking of dessert. Does that make me super fat, or just kinda fat?
  7. Being lazy is basically an American right, I'm pretty sure it's in the Constitution. In what other country is it acceptable to just need a 'me day'?
  8. I tend to over think everything. I think most women do. Driving home from work is when I do some of my best pointless over thinking. People would be amazed at how I can analyze everything and come up with solutions for scenarios that have not even happened. 
  9. Where do you put a bicycle in a super small apartment with no storage? Seriously, where!?!
  10. I really hate cleaning, mostly because…I don't know, I just fucking hate doing it! If/when I have extra income I will hire a housekeeper. My housekeeper will be a man, because I am such a feminist. HA!
   10.5 I am out of wine so I am going to drink beer out of a wine glass, because I'm fuckin classy.





Cheers!
Buzzed Biotch

*I told you all it wasn't gold, but I hope it made you giggle a little.