20-Something & Unmarried...Thank God!

Dear Diary,

Yes it’s true I am 20-something and unmarried; to me this is completely normal. But according to my new cube neighbor this is unacceptable. Let me tell you how this all went down. Today he asked if I was married. We were on the subject somehow, I guess just trying to make small talk as he just moved into the cube next to me. I replied like I always do to that question, in a disgusted tone “HA! Absolutely not! I’m still young so I’m not planning on getting married anytime soon.” At that point he looks at me with a confused sort of look on his face, laughs, and follows that with the rolling of his eyes. Now this is not the normal response I get; usually I get a nod, a smile and a ‘Yeah I know what you mean’, especially when talking to men. When he threw the eye roll at me I was caught off guard…so I said “Well too young to get married anyway.” Part of me thinks I said this to just clarify that we were talking about marriage and not something like getting my driver’s license or graduating high school. His response was again not what I was expecting. At this point he goes on to tell me he is married and has been since January (it’s fucking June! That constitutes six months of marriage, and I can almost guarantee he just celebrated his 6 month anniversary).

Now after bragging about his prosperous marriage he goes on to try and make me feel better about my marital status by saying “At least it’s better to know you won’t get married than to end up divorced.” Because obviously someone like me could never expect to have a successful marriage, clearly the only logical outcome would be divorce. AND did I miss something? I am 20-something, not closing in on 50! Now that he has successfully insulted my relationship status he decides it best to move on to the age portion. So he quizzes me on his age. I wanted to tell him “what the fuck do I care what your age is, you’re married and clearly have limited social skills” but instead I politely respond with a guess of 27. To me this is a sensible age someone might decide to get married. With this guess he scoffs all offended “I’m not THAT OLD! How OLD are you?” To this I reply “20something” with a big smile because not only do like being in my twenties, I am also pretty happy with where I am in my life for mid-twenties. Now this is where the conversation really starts to head south. He replies “Well I’m not as OLD as you.” After that I really did not care to continue, BUT since he insisted on telling me that he was only 23 and his wife of six months thinks he is annoying because all he does is play Xbox and eat junk food, I had no choice but to listen. While listening all I could think is that this kid pity’s me because I’m a 20-something year old single female living on my own with no immediate need or interest in getting married. He pity’s me? Really? This 400lb manchild feels sorry for me because I’m not bound to someone for the rest of my life that doesn’t even like me? And does he realize he is only 23 years of age and the average life expectancy these days is like 70. That is almost 50 years he has to spend with this girl who thinks he is annoying after 6 months! 50 years!!! Now being that he does weigh 400lbs or so (no exaggeration) we can safely assume that at least 15 of those years can be shaved off. BUT STILL! 35 years is a long fucking time! Since I plan on living until at least 95, I figure I have about 20 more years to be single and not feel bad about it. At that point I might start to look for someone that I can put up with for the remainder of my life. 

Morale of the story…sometimes it’s better not to ask! All of this could have been avoided if I kept to myself and didn’t feel the need to talk to every last individual that crosses my path. I knew full well that my cube neighbor and I were never going to be friends (I could tell the first time he spoke to me about gaming and chicken wings). Instead what did I do? I asked about his stupid fucking marriage. I can’t help but hope he gets divorced. 

<3 Saucy Spinster