Maybe It’s Her…Maybe It’s Maybelline

 Dear Diary,

Make-up. It is a glorious tool that I use on a daily basis. But girls, some of you are taking this privilege and abusing it. We all know we look a little better with some concealer, mascara and a little rouge, but for some reason a select few of you have decided to take the cake-face approach when applying your make-up.

When I see this I can’t help but first blatantly stare, then ponder how your face ended up this way. Do you think maybe this woman with the clown like make-up doesn’t have electricity so the lighting in her home is so poor that she can’t see what she is going on? Or perhaps she was just about to use up her tube of cover-up and said to herself “Fuck it might as well finish it off” (same thing I say to myself when I have about a glass of wine left in a bottle). Or could it really be that she has actually tricked herself into believing that men look at her and think “Oooooo I can’t wait to see what she really looks like”. I would be willing to bet my entire life savings (all $48.70 of it) that the last man that slept with any particular cake-face wasn’t excited to see what was under the make-up, instead he was really more focused on getting into whatever was under her skirt. I don’t pretend to know men, I am single after all, BUT I do know this – if you apply your make-up with a spatula, people wonder what you REALLY look like, or when you snag a man from the local watering hole you turn his nice white pillow case into something that looks more like a painting by Pablo Picasso you are abusing your make-up privileges! Stop it!

Ladies we all have things we would like to hide from the world, for me it is my not-any-where-near-toned upper arms that tend to do the lunch lady jig whenever I wave or get too aggressive on the dance floor. If you are looking to hide your entire face I think you should explore other options. For example a nice paper bag or how about a pretty scarf, or you could get all futuristic and try something out of Face-Off and have a face transplant! Either way let’s not abuse our ability to cover up a blemish or two by taking it to the extreme and covering your whole face with a nice thick layer of make-up. If you disagree and think the only option is to be a cake-face then go for it, do what you do. Just don't be surprised when I stare inquisitively.

Lots of love,

Sparkling and Solo