Dear Diary,

I fucking hate work.

I don’t hate my job; I just hate the fact that my life is interrupted by work. Now contrary to what that statement may suggest I am an ambitious person, but I think that is precisely why work sucks so badly. I work hard and have a lot of goals. Guess what, accomplishing goals takes time!! Working, achieving goals, and doing other productive things is getting in the way of me going out, drinking copious amounts of wine, and dancing with my ladies. Why you ask? Well, because lots of wine equals lots of headaches, and lots of headaches equals me locking myself in my dark room still dressed in the clothes from last night with my eye make-up smeared down to my chin, ordering Chinese delivery and not leaving the house until approximately THE NEXT DAY. Nowhere does drinking equal getting up early, working out, eating a well rounded breakfast, looking flawless, getting to work early, doing other productive things while at work (i.e. not writing a blog about how you hate work while at work), going home and tackling something profound like tutoring a blind homeless crack baby. Nope it sure doesn't. Sidenote - not sure why a crack baby would need toutoring, but it sounds like a nice respectable goal to use as an example. 

Do you know what else work gets in the way of? My fitness. Yes, I think I should tell my doctor that I need a prescription for early retirement because I will be much healthier. I have tried waking up early to work out before going to work, but let us break that sentence down. WORKING out before going to WORK…even grammatically that just doesn’t WORK. I have also tried working out after work, but again it doesn’t work. I am selling mattresses until 8pm (sometimes 9 or 9:30 if people decide to be dicks and stroll in 3 minutes before close). By the time I get home it is well past 8:30 then I should go for a run!?! What the fuck? Shouldn’t working 9 plus hours a day just automatically make me slim and trim? Unfortunately no, I sell the mattresses I don’t squat them.

Ugh, working is getting in the way of me doing so many other fun things! I could be going to music festivals every weekend, baseball games, comedy shows, weekend getaways, happy hours, AND it is even getting in the way of me accomplishing my personal goals. I can’t visit two new countries and/or states every year, not on this salary and with no PTO. So in conclusion I would be a much better, healthier, prettier, happier, interesting, and more fun person if I didn’t have to work. My solution is to either win the lottery, find a rich man that just gives me money for nothing in return because in my experience rich people suck, or somehow get a job that pays really well and only requires about 25 hours per week. *LOOOOONG SIGH* A girl can dream…a girl……………can…………….dream!    

XOXO

Early Retirement Candidate #1