How Many Personalities Do You Have?

Have you ever found yourself thinking 'who the fuck was that?' Many times I look back at my behavior in certain circumstances and can’t figure out what came over me and why I turned into some freaky alternate person. So, much like my new favorite show, United States of Tara, I have decided to give all of my alters a name and persona. I would like to introduce you to…

Miss Jackson: She is a ferocious business woman that demands to be heard and knows her shit. Miss Jackson is not to be fucked with. This woman expects the best from people hates excuses and doesn’t make them herself. She is the kind of woman that would have burned her bra and marched all over Washington. Miss Jackson is a forward thinking liberal that refuses to accept the status quo. Basically she is a bad ass bitch who has no desire to become a stay at home mother and absolutely even less of a desire for a husband. Sex with Miss Jackson is a trip, be prepared to be dominated. If she were an animal, she sure as fuck would be a lioness, rawr!

Bella: No, not that dumb vampire skank, Bella is a fun, free loving, tree hugging, hula-hooping hippie. She is kind to all things, especially people. She is very patient, loves to listen to every ones story, and makes no judgment. Bella expresses herself creatively by writing, making jewelry, interpretive dance and of course body paint and glitter. This girl has been known to get down with the get down and is always ready for a party, especially if live music and mind altering substances are involved. New experiences are her forte. Bella’s go with the flow attitude allows her to love everyone for who they are and is always optimistic, sometimes to the point of annoyance. This woman is on the righteous side of karma and has an aura of soft purple and flecks of gold.

Trina: Let me tell you bout this bitch; she is an odd combination of a confrontational, argumentative, bossy snatch mashed up with a joke cracking, party going, fun loving night owl. She is one of those girls you see at the club drinkin, smokin, cursin, and shakin her ass on the dance floor. Trina is a lot of fun IF she is on your side, but what a cunt rag if you have wronged her. This woman has been known to hold a grudge and never seems to forget anything. She keeps her friends close and loves making them laugh, whether it is by being the only one dancing or with smart ass comments. Trina is EXTREMLEY flirtatious with men, so much so, it gets her into trouble. If shit is about to go down OR you need a night out, call Trina, she’s got you.

Fannie: Oh Fannie! I love having her around. Miss Fannie loves to cook and take care of people. She is the concerned motherly type. She will make you a nice hot home cooked meal, fix your plate, bring it to you and then even clean up the kitchen after, all while listening to and easing your woes. Fannie loves entertaining and throwing fancy soirees. This kind woman has a taste for the finer things from lobster to decadent desserts and bubble baths of course. Fannie is the definition of a lady.

Well, that’s the gang! If you mash them all together there you have it…me, bits of each one showing up at any given moment. I wouldn’t say I’m crazy and actually suffer from D.I.D, but I do think we all have multiple personalities that, when combined, make us uniquely ourselves. If I didn’t have all these women within me I would be a boring, one dimensional wet blanket. Who are your alters? It is quite fun to embrace them J

XOXO

Miss Jackson

Bella

Trina

Fannie

Living a Lie!

I've Been Living a Lie!

It is true. Not only do I suck the big one when it comes to keeping up to date with this blog, I also have been lying to you all. I WAS single when I first started this…was being the key word. I am no longer a single twenty something (sigh). I am now a 20 something with a BOYFRIEND. FUCK! I hate that word. I use it very sparingly, but today is the day I confess my sins to you, well not all my sins. If I did that I might as well just say adios blog, considering the only real interesting parts of my life are my sins.

So back to this boyfriend of mine…yes, yes I tried to hide it from not just you, but also my friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances that I see in real life. Really, I have no excuse for my actions. It is not as though I am dating some troll that I am embarrassed to be seen with. I don’t have weird commitment issues. I don’t have an inordinate amount of self esteem issues, no daddy complexes and I’m not overly private with my life events. Simply, I just don’t like the word boyfriend. I think it is a childish and idiotic word. Let us break it down, shall we? This two syllable word does not, in the least, describe the relationship I have with the man I am suppose to refer to as my boyfriend.

Syllable one = boy. The MAN I am sleeping with, sharing life experiences and growing with is not a boy, fucking thank whatever god you believe in for that. I sincerely have an issue with grown women having sexual encounters with boys. Syllable two = friend. I have a lot of people I consider friends but I have never put any of their genitals in my mouth; nor do I cuddle with them, strip for them, or write cute little sappy notes for them. After examining the word it just doesn’t work. There has to be a better term to use, but really there isn’t. I guess maybe I could call him my malelovingcompanion, but that just makes it sound as though he likes dudes and is nice to me, or is a gay dog...either way not fitting.

From now on I should just refer to him as the only man I am sleeping with. This is how that would go: “Hi Sally! It sure has been a while, you look great! I would like to introduce you to the man I am sexually and emotionally monogamous with.” That’s not awkward, right? I really do think that this is the reason I failed to share the news with you and everyone else in my life. My friends all knew I had a boyfriend before I admitted it, hell maybe even before I knew it. They all found it amusing that I refused to fess up. Again, the reason for this is because at my age there is no word that properly describes the relationship I am in. I have surpassed my mid twenties, and the relationship I have now is not the same as the ones I had in High School, but we use the same word. I don’t get it. As we grow and enter into more mature unions our vocabulary should reflect those changes. But as explored above, there is no word that describes it. That is until you reach the fiancé stage (AHHHH), and we ALL should know by now that I am NOT ready for that! For fuck sake I just came to terms with the fact that I have a bf.

Love,

Still Single According to my W2's