The Many Faces of the Unfaithful

Recently, I read this article about signs your partner will cheat, most were pretty obvious, but what struck a cord with me was the statistic reported: 60% of men will cheat! How fucking daunting is that ladies? I am no statistics expert, however those are some shitty odds. In addition to reading that crappy article, I am also more aware now since my man is thousands of miles away, and I probably look like fair game when I am out. Regardless of why, I have been lucky enough to witness some cheaters in their natural habitat and here is how I decided to categorize them.

1. The Blamer: This is the man or woman who is married, or a long-term relationship and is no longer happy. Instead of ending it and moving on, they blame their spouse for the relationship not being what s/he wants and they cheat, as often as they can. The fucked up thing about this specific species is the fact that they have no shame in cheating, they wear their wedding ring to the bar and don't hide the fact that they are there to get some ass. Yes they have a spouse at home with their three kids, but it's OK, because if wifey wasn't so 'insert objectifying adjective here' then they wouldn't be driven to groping others at sleazy dive bars.

2. The Chaser: This is that cocky fucker who has a beautiful, smart, and kind person at home waiting for them, but they are always looking for something better. For whatever reason this person never appreciates what they have, but somehow they are in a constant state of commitment. Never single, but also never satisfied. If their spouse is skinny, they want someone with more curves. If their boyfriend is short, they want someone tall. If they have a successful companion, they want someone that will spend more time at home. Regardless of the situation, they are never content and constantly seeking better. 

3. The Webmaster: This is the person that hides in plain sight and who may never physically cheat on their significant other, but they text, email, Facebook, Snapchat, and use whatever other web based tool to be "unfaithful". The physical act isn't the objective for these individuals, it is the feeling of being desired. They would talk to just about anyone who will feed their ego. Again, these slimy little fuckers feel no remorse, because technically they didn't cheat. Generally the other shoe will drop, and that text will lead to a trashy hook-up in a seedy motel just off the freeway. 

4. The Side-Piece: This person isn't the one doing the cheating, but they only lust after those in committed relationships. They love playing the role of the destroyer, thriving on the drama of messing up others relationships. In some instances they even wait until a relationship has been made public and then seek to unravel it by spewing lies about how they all of the sudden are in love with that person and how they would treat them so much better, blah blah blah. They are the parasites of the relationship world and only seek to ruin others commitments. Just as soon as they do, they are no where in fucking sight.

5. The Lost Soul: This individual is genuinely in love with their partner but the passion has fizzled and they are lonely. They probably have never cheated before, but the alcohol they consumed blurred their judgement and it just happened. They are the ones who are guilt ridden after the indiscretion and eventually break down and confess. They are in agony about it and take full responsibility, but they still couldn't keep it in their fucking pants.

So, what is the point of this rant you ask? Well, there isn't really one except for me to express my general concern about relationships. It is hard enough to find someone that you actually like, then there is all this other bullshit you worry about after moving past the dating phase and into monogamy. So here is what I would like to see: If you are unhappy and considering cheating, just get the fuck out of the relationship and be single, or find someone who is cool with an open relationship. There, I just reduced that 60% to about 3%.

<3 

Forever-a-Sceptic 

How Social Media Ruined My Life

We are all hyper-connected. I connect with my friends everyday through texts, email, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Snapchat, Pintrest, blogs, phone calls, Skype, and even the rare face to face conversation. These are just a few of the many flavors. A great deal of my friends and family use additional means of connecting, from Tinder if you're DTF to Twitter if you think you are witty. You can literally stay connected to anyone, including those who should have been left in your past.

As discussed in my most recent entry I am an over thinker, to the fuckin max. I am also an avid social media user. These two do not mix well. I've read statistics about how social sites, like Facebook or Instagram, can have a negative impact on your self esteem. Reason being, you are constantly comparing the quality of your life to your 'friends'. You see how Trisha and Dick are soul mates and have the nicest house on the block. So you compare your shitty one bedroom apartment and lonely TV-dinner nights to their wedded bliss. The problem is that Trisha does't post that Dick has a gambling problem and their beautiful home is about to be foreclosed upon. Unknowingly, you find yourself down and out because you can't attain this farce. 

Not only are we comparing ourselves to fake happiness, we also have access to every fucking body. I never wanted to see what my ex's new girlfriend looked like, I never wanted to see what my current boyfriends ex's look like, and I most definitely did not want to keep in contact with that guy I accidentally slept with a few times. All of those people were supposed to remain quietly in my past, or in whatever past they originated. Now, thanks to the modern marvel of social media, I know that my boyfriends ex has big fake tits and blonde hair. Great, that's useful. NOOOO!!! You smug little shits might be thinking to yourself 'well don't look them up, it's as easy as that'. I call bullshit. I, personally, have no self control! If my ex's girlfriend likes a status of a mutual friends, how the fuck am I not supposed to look? Seriously, tell me how? 

There are simply too many ways to connect with others. We are overstimulated with everyone else's underwhelming lives. Social media has just become a modern way to cling to your past. Let's do an exercise. Close your eyes; try to think of all the people you knew in high school that you are friends with on Facebook. Now, list how many you actually have valuable conversations with on at least a semi-regular basis. Feel free to explain why you have 307 friends from high school. The people who should be in your life are actually in your life, not on some screen giving zero fucks about you.

Are you ready for the kicker? A main component of my job is social media marketing! Oh irony, you cruel, cruel see-you-next-tuesday.

<3 Social Media Slave 

Trans-motherfucking-ition

Transition: a change from one state or condition to another. 

This is where I currently reside, in a constant state of change. The majority of my life is in flux, and very little is definite. Much has changed since my last post and even more has changed since I started this blog. 

So let us start with what is still the same...I'm still unmarried, therefore according to the government I am single. I am still twenty something, a few years closer to thirty, but twenty something none the less. Well, that about sums up the constants.

My employer has changed, I no longer slang mattresses! *electronic high five* Despite my career change, I somehow manage to be no closer to knowing what I want my career to look like. Some days I want to be a chef, some days I want to be a powerful marketing executive, and some days I want to join the peace corps to run far, far away. It's quite frustrating to be stuck in this brain that is perpetually changing what a 'dream job' looks like. 

My relationship status changed. I went from being a single ready to mingle 20-something to having a serious live-in boyfriend. He WAS a constant in my ever changing life, until recently. The bf is now packing up and moving across the country to California to start a new job and leave this ol' dusty trap behind. I'm talking about our apartment you idiots! But for reals, this has forced a lot of decision making on both our parts. Do I want to be that tag along sidekick lookin' bitch? Does he want a sidekick? Does this mean we are seriously serious if I go out there with him? What the hell kind of job am I supposed to look for when I don't know what I want to do? How the fuck do we make long distance work? There is a two hour time difference, he hates talking on the phone, and we are used to seeing each other every day. There are enough unknowns to make your damn head explode! Now lets make it crazier shall we? I'm an over-thinker, so this is where my irrational conclusions rear their ugly heads. Here is a sneak peek into my brain: "How do you know that he isn't just moving out there to get away from your crazy ass? Maybe he has a secret life with a wife and kids, and that's why he is leaving. I'm sure every women out there is successful, pretty and thin so I obviously won't fit in. I'm going to have to get all new clothes, rich successful Californians don't wear Target jeans. Oh fuck, I need to get out of the Midwest!" And it goes on and on and on, a never ending line of questions, concerns and made up bullshit.

My apartment changed...multiple times. I went from living by myself in a small, old one bedroom apartment downtown, to living in a newer nicer two bedroom apartment downtown with my boyfriend, to living in a really nice two bedroom apartment in the hood with my boyfriend. And now I have this really nice apartment in the Latin quarter with NO fucking furniture! Ladies of the world, when you move in with you significant other don't get rid of all your shit because theirs is nicer. You never know when he will move away and you will find yourself sleeping on an air mattress in the living room. Pretty fucking depressing. But also pretty fucking motivating. Job hunting in another state is no longer a distant fantasy, it is a necessity.

Oh, and I got a new car! 

All in all my life is walking that fine line between being really fucking kick ass OR a giant pile of disappointment. Some good, some hilarious, and some painful. Hopefully, at the very least, it will be entertaining to y'all.

<3
I'm back bitches!